I've failed a lot.
I fail constantly.
You know what that means? I'm learning - a lot. I'm learning - constantly.
There is something I've learned recently about myself and the way that I write. Something I was blind to by choice and it wasn't until I was banging my head against the wall in frustration that I finally opened my eyes to what my brain had been screaming at me all along.
I've handled this whole thing the wrong way.
I was so focused on putting out the next book in The Crow Series, only focusing on finishing The Crow Series, and getting the next book in the series out to the readers who were asking for it. Though I am constantly inspired to work on other stories, I push them off, trying to keep myself devoted to one story until it's finished.
There's a reason why I've only been managing 1-2 books per year, and why last year when I secretly indulged in a second pen name I busted out five episodes in only a few months. I wasn't slowed and hindered the way I am now... and once I gave myself enough time away, working on the next book in The Crow Series became easy.
When my brain refuses to work on a project, it's because I need to give it space. I need to step back and work on something else so I can return to the first project with a clear head. I cannot, and now realize should not, try to tackle editing and revising a book a month after writing the first draft.
I've been doing this wrong - at least, wrong for me.
I need to work on more than one story at a time. I've always been this way, even back in High School when I worked on both Firechild and Lusus Naturae in the same year. They're completely different books set in completely separate worlds. I need to pull my mind out of one world and place it into another to find clarity. It takes me almost six months between a first draft and when my brain is ready to return to it. I struggle all those months in between, trying to force myself to work on something my brain refuses to touch.
It's why I'm constantly distracted by other stories when I'm supposed to be editing - but once I've given myself enough time away from it, I return with gusto and a renewed vigor. The story almost feels new and I can see it with fresh eyes, diving into the editing with the same enthusiasm I had when writing it initially.
It took me almost a year between writing Release and publishing it. I dreaded working on it. My brain refused. It made me miserable.
I'm experiencing the same thing now with Curse.
I've realized I should have tackled Songbird of Souls before trying to finish the fourth book in The Crow Series. I'm excited and inspired by this new story, and look forward to working on it when I get up in the morning. It's what my mind wants to focus on, and the more I try to force myself to only work on Curse, the more I'm swept into despondency and longing for something else.
I'm not sure what to do. I've already promised that Curse would be the next book I put out - but I still can't seem to get my head to agree. Editing is horrible and grueling the more I try...
I was getting ready to start posting advanced chapters of Songbird of Souls to my Patreon subscribers this coming week and it necessitated I give the chapters a passing edit first. The difference between my attempt to edit S.o.S. (yes, I shorten it. It takes too long to type out over and over) and my attempt only days earlier to edit the next chapter of Curse was obvious. This new knowledge about how I need to write slapped me hard enough to knock the wind out of me.
So what does this mean?
As I said, I'm not quite sure. I've already promised Curse and I plan to keep trying to honor my word and get it finished, but it may take me a bit longer than I'd like. After Curse, things are going to change with how I organize my writing. I'm going to start anticipating a five or six month gap between when I write something and when I am ready to publish it. It means working on other stories alternatively until I develop a rhythm. I need to work on what my brain wants to focus on or nothing will get done in those months in between.
The good news is, if I can get it all worked out and establish a rhythm in anticipation of the six month delay, you'll be seeing twice as many books from me a year, in more than one series.
The bad news is, I'm going to stop posting teasers for Curse until my head is ready to move forward with the edits. I'll still post updates and snippets here and there, but I can't keep promoting a story I don't see myself finishing for a few more months. I apologize to those of you who have already been waiting so patiently, but a block is a block and I need to listen to myself and understand why the block is there in order to get around it.
For me - that means working on something else until I'm ready. It may be edits for S.o.S., or it may be gleefully going back to work on the new rewrite of Firechild, which I'd like to put out after Curse but before tackling Redeem. All I know is, in order to be productive I need to allow my imagination to take the lead and follow my instincts when it comes to what I need to work on and in what order.
Thank you for taking the time to read.
You guys are amazing <3
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