Maybe, if I just blurt it out - quickly and immediately - I'll actually do it and won't have time to second-guess or talk myself out of it again... Oh, but wait! I'll still have until I finish typing out the rest of this blog post to change my own mind. *sigh* I can feel the cold feet already kicking out under my desk at this very moment!
I'm just going to do it - force my own hand, once and for all!
Here it goes:
IN THIS VERY BLOG POST! I'M DOING IT! YES, I AM!
I've had brain-splitting migraine attacks every day for over a week now. Before that, I was obsessively engrossed in plotting and writing out scenes for Firechild that were plaguing my mind like a rabid animal, refusing to let go until I did what it wanted. Firechild is totally the bratty older sibling (also like a rabid animal) who pretty much shoves its other siblings around until it gets the best cupcake with the most frosting, simply because its the biggest, the oldest and the most ruthless.😕
I kinda want a cupcake now.
But back on point, I had a good go at the final edits on Curse at the beginning of February before I did all that shit I mentioned a second ago - then I fell off again into the abyss.😢
I don't know why I'm having such a hard time with this book. I've analyzed my hesitance over and over for months, trying to get around this block. The story is there, it's written, and it's complete to top it off, since I wrote out the fifth and final book last year as well. I don't know if it's a sense of perfectionism kicking in, or dread that I'm in that sticky middle area where the story arc starts wrapping everything up that's been set in motion... rolling faster and faster down the slope towards The End.
Thoughts like "Are readers going to be happy / satisfied with how I finish things? Did I fuck this up? OhFuckingHell! Just stop now! Full STOP! What have I done????" which is followed shortly after by, "Stop being stupid. The story is great. I have this under control. No one will ever like it or not like it if I never finish the damned thing!" And so on, and so forth, into infinity.😉
So, I'm forcing my own hand. Once I've said it, I'm stuck holding to it and trying my damnedest to meet the date. I'm setting the release date for Curse as March 30th. One way or another, whether I feel like it's perfect or not, Curse will be made available on Amazon by that date. I'll try to have the paperbacks ready the same day if I can.
I did it.
Now to go hyperventilate in my bathroom.
Then shut off the wifi on my laptop so I can focus on the task at hand.
Wish me luck - and lots of coffee.
Always wish me lots of coffee. Always. 💗