One Year Anniversary Approaches

We are dawning upon the One Year Anniversary of this website (as well as my 31st Birthday. ACK!) I've spent the past month or so trying to get my head back to where it needs to be - getting organized, doing research, errr doing my taxes so I can get my new computer and get back to writing regularly.

So, here we go - new year = fresh start. So fresh,we'll ignore the rotting stench of failure wafting off of 2013. It's all cinnamon buns and fresh brewed coffee up in here - warm and cozy and covered in whipped cream.

Sorry, that was my stomach typing.

But seriously, no more excuses - no whining blah bah woe is me, life is difficult etc etc, cry me a river and wash away that laptop-sized paperweight on my table.

I am back to work and LOVING IT!

I feel so incredibly stupid and want to beat myself with my own leg for being so depressed and letting this bullshit be my excuse for procrastination. I had had a nice momentum going and then BAM! nothing but half-assed attempts and false starts for months.

It is amazing how easily the words stagnate and wither. One second you're scribbling in that intense, obsessive, near orgasmic fury... and then you get hit with a toddler wielding a pitcher of water - which might as well be a pitcher of battery acid because of the total destruction and mutilation of your work, your momentum and your drive to keep moving forward. In a split second it all disintegrates, leaving you sitting there with a stupid-ass "WTF" look on your face... until the reality of the situation sinks in and you feel the words just get sucked out of you like a vacuum. Whatever remains slowly crumbles away with each day you are unable to work, leaving you a husk filled with depression and the nagging, ever-present longing for "the words". The closer I get to that new laptop, the more giddy and excited I feel. Kind of like I'm twitching and bouncing and can't sit still - holy crap! Kind of like my toddler waiting for a doughnut.

I keep picturing Mr.Burns, sitting there strumming his fingers together with an evil smirk on his lips:

"Oh yes, my lovely Acer, you will be mine! Soon... soon..."

So soon I can barely stand it. *toddler-style stomp of impatience*

I WANT TO GET BACK TO WRITING MY BOOK DAMMIT!

You may be thinking "Gee whiz, you still kinda sound like you're whining." (Because I assume you all sound like a 10 year old boy from the 50's to lessen my anxiety over talking to you. Deal with it.)

I assure you, this is not whining - and it's the last time I'm going to bring it up - cross my fingers, my eyes and my heart. I just have to rant it out of my system one last time for my "fresh start" to be... well, fresh and not tainted with the stench of dreams unfulfilled.

 Let us just assume that February is a "preparation" month and from March on forward (heehee "march on forward" - I made a punny,) there will be lots of writing going on on my end - both on the website and off.