Thoughts After One Year of Blogging

First let us just get this outta the way:

Happy Birthday to me / Happy Anniversary to the blogdom!

The one year anniversary of this blog has left me pondering my life as a writer thus far, as well as how much starting this blog has changed things for my writing life.

There are a lot of writers out there who will say that they’ve always known that writing was what they wanted to do with their lives. With the inconceivable number of new books, especially by self-published authors, that have hit the literary world over the past few years, it appears I am not in the minority. 

I can pinpoint the exact moment I decided I wanted to be a writer:

My elementary school had a yearly book they created of student work. In second grade a “poem” I wrote (and I use that term loosely), was chosen to be published in the school book for that year. I went:

I love me

My mom loves me

My dad loves me

I'm happy

Or something like that - the kind of thing a 6 year old might write. What mattered wasn’t the quality of the writing, but the fact that others read it and liked it and I had enjoyed creating it. I went home that day and told my mother to forget about ballet - I wanted to be a writer - and it’s all I’ve ever really wanted to do since.

My childhood best friend and I started writing and illustrating stories together. In junior high I submitted a story for publication for the first time to Seventeen Magazine. I don’t know if they still do this, but back then Seventeen had a contest for readers to submit a work of short fiction which they published the winner in one of their issues. This was my first rejection and most of my rejections from then after followed similarly - they wanted “realistic” fiction and what I wrote was more of the surreal and fantasy variety.

Freshman year of High School, I started writing Firechild for the first time. Sitting in the back of the class, I shuffled through the pages of my manuscript - editing and scribbling down ideas. The girl sitting in front of me, curious as to what the strange girl behind her was up to, started asking about it. I started relaying my story and we’ve been good friends ever since.

I started writing Lusus Naturae when I was 16 and finished the first version when I was 17. I gleefully submitted it to a gaggle of agents and Tor Publishing when it was finished. Most of the agents didn’t even bother with a response. Tor’s rejection followed much like Seventeen Magazine’s had years before - my novel didn’t fit with the genre they published. It was a good story - best of luck blah blah blah…

I wrote several short stories in college, joined an online writing site (writing.com) and even did a full rewrite of Firechild during a crazy heavily-inspired two months back while was working at a Barnes & Noble in lower Manhattan. I was surrounded by new writing; reading everything from psychology, ancient philosophy, Sartre, Walt Whitman, Yeats… It was a very productive time for me intellectually and I had a full writing life but I had stopped submitting my work.

After college, things got murky. Entering the working-world full time left little room for writing. I worked on my novels in spurts. In early 2009 I decided I wanted to give self-publishing a go but was knee-deep in planning my wedding. The writing got put on hold once again. 

Then marriage and babies made the writing time even less available. In late 2012 - tired, pregnant and feeling like something was missing, I re-examined my writing goals. I decided I wanted to try self-publishing again but make an honest go of it. A close friend of mine suggested starting a blog and I went with it. Never being much of a journaler or sharer of my inner mind, it has taken a lot of hard work, learning and determination this past year - and though I haven’t yet met my goals, I’m picking up my pieces and trying again. 2013 was the most productive year in my writing life in a long time. I feel like this blog is helping to keep me motivated. 2014 is going to be my year. I can FEEL it.

Other than my children, there is nothing that makes me happier than playing in that world inside my head - laughing and crying and often being surprised by my own characters.

So, I’m going to keep doing what I love to do. If success finds me, I’ll embrace it. If not, that’s okay too. I’ve been writing all these years without it and will continue to do so because it makes me happy (though it would be awfully nice to join the ranks of those who sit around in their undies all day writing for a living).

So, Happy 31st Birthday to me! Thanks for reading.

If at first you don't succeed...

As my husband dutifully reminded me yesterday... we are fast approaching the celebration of my 31st year.

No giant publishing release party, as I had originally hoped, but I'm excited nonetheless. Mister Tax Man has decided to grace me with my moolah ON my birthday... so I suppose I'm getting a new laptop as my present. This means all you folks in blog-reading-land will be seeing more of me again...as well as Facebookers and possibly the Twitterers , if I can ever get the hang of that damn little blue birdy.

All the anticipation has had a positive effect on me - I have gone back to work on the Crow stories, diligently typing away during my kiddos' nap-times for the past week or so.  I'm excited about the story again - living it out in my head to the point where my husband has to poke me every so often as I sit staring off into space... you know, to make sure I'm still breathing.

I'm grooving a little old school right now. I figured I'd post this because it's honestly how I've been feeling (it's also been running through my head constantly).

Really, Aaliyah was one of the hottest women EVER so I don't mind watching the video again :)

But back to the point... been writing regularly again and I'm pretty damn happy about it. Unfortunately (or fortunately for my bank account but unfortunately for my writing), my birthday week is going to be spent working at my J-O-B. I picked up some extra days at work since my manager is on vacation, so after today I won't be getting much writing time in until next week. I simply hope I don't lose the writing mojo between now and my next days of freedom.

One Year Anniversary Approaches

We are dawning upon the One Year Anniversary of this website (as well as my 31st Birthday. ACK!) I've spent the past month or so trying to get my head back to where it needs to be - getting organized, doing research, errr doing my taxes so I can get my new computer and get back to writing regularly.

So, here we go - new year = fresh start. So fresh,we'll ignore the rotting stench of failure wafting off of 2013. It's all cinnamon buns and fresh brewed coffee up in here - warm and cozy and covered in whipped cream.

Sorry, that was my stomach typing.

But seriously, no more excuses - no whining blah bah woe is me, life is difficult etc etc, cry me a river and wash away that laptop-sized paperweight on my table.

I am back to work and LOVING IT!

I feel so incredibly stupid and want to beat myself with my own leg for being so depressed and letting this bullshit be my excuse for procrastination. I had had a nice momentum going and then BAM! nothing but half-assed attempts and false starts for months.

It is amazing how easily the words stagnate and wither. One second you're scribbling in that intense, obsessive, near orgasmic fury... and then you get hit with a toddler wielding a pitcher of water - which might as well be a pitcher of battery acid because of the total destruction and mutilation of your work, your momentum and your drive to keep moving forward. In a split second it all disintegrates, leaving you sitting there with a stupid-ass "WTF" look on your face... until the reality of the situation sinks in and you feel the words just get sucked out of you like a vacuum. Whatever remains slowly crumbles away with each day you are unable to work, leaving you a husk filled with depression and the nagging, ever-present longing for "the words". The closer I get to that new laptop, the more giddy and excited I feel. Kind of like I'm twitching and bouncing and can't sit still - holy crap! Kind of like my toddler waiting for a doughnut.

I keep picturing Mr.Burns, sitting there strumming his fingers together with an evil smirk on his lips:

"Oh yes, my lovely Acer, you will be mine! Soon... soon..."

So soon I can barely stand it. *toddler-style stomp of impatience*

I WANT TO GET BACK TO WRITING MY BOOK DAMMIT!

You may be thinking "Gee whiz, you still kinda sound like you're whining." (Because I assume you all sound like a 10 year old boy from the 50's to lessen my anxiety over talking to you. Deal with it.)

I assure you, this is not whining - and it's the last time I'm going to bring it up - cross my fingers, my eyes and my heart. I just have to rant it out of my system one last time for my "fresh start" to be... well, fresh and not tainted with the stench of dreams unfulfilled.

 Let us just assume that February is a "preparation" month and from March on forward (heehee "march on forward" - I made a punny,) there will be lots of writing going on on my end - both on the website and off.